Sarcastic Guy, Vol. 2

Congratulations, Carolina Panthers, you just locked up Jake Delhomme to a 5-year, $42.5 million contract with $20 million guaranteed. That's great news...for Atlanta, New Orleans, and Tampa Bay.

Jake Delhomme has been a great quarterback for all of one game in his life. Heck, Delhomme has been a quarterback you can win with, for one game in his life. Delhomme has been more than a caretaker propped up by a wide receiver everyone (including teammates) is scared to death of, for one whole game in his life. And the kicker is, that game was 5 years ago (Super Bowl XXXVIII), and Carolina LOST!

Other than that, Delhomme has been a tremendously average quarterback. Trent Dilfer took one look at this deal, and slapped his parents upside the head for not having him 10 years later. Kyle Orton took a look at this deal and had a celebratory toast with his neckbeard. When Carolina has been good, it has been because of a strong, two-headed rushing attack and a stout defense. Delhomme has been along for the ride, chucking balls in the vicinity of Steve Smith, a 5'9" ball of angry insanity. Delhomme doesn't win games for Carolina, he does his best to avoid losing them. And Carolina has guaranteed him $20 million.

But I'm sure he comes up big when the stakes are raised, right? Well...
17 comp 34 att 205 yds 1 TD 5 INT 1 fumble lost, 39.1 QB rtg
15 comp 35 att 196 yds 1 TD 3 INT, 34.9 QB rtg

Those are Jake Delhomme's stats from his last 2 playoff games. I said he tried not to lose games. I didn't say he was good at it.

Oh, it gets better. Delhomme's age? 34. No, I didn't mean 24, he's 34 years old, which means he's not getting any better. I know Carolina employed a 43 year old Vinny Testaverde a couple years back, but a) he was "Steve Smith is going to kill someone because Vinny can't throw the ball more than 3 yards" terrible, and b) that doesn't mean a 34 year old quarterback is coming into his prime. Delhomme has had his prime: it came, it fizzled, it left, and it's not coming back.

Congratulations Carolina, you just dropped between $20 and $42.5 million on the quarterbacking equivalent of Coors Light that sat out overnight.